Those Murderous Cows

by Rick London

Truman Cowpoke is the name and cow moooder mysteries is my game. I write about the life of cows, violence, and yes, even bovine death. Words cannot express the horror I feel, as a mystery writer of true cow crime while researching the death and destruction that can occur in “greener pastures”. Of course there are no cowincidences and anyone who says there are may might be bull and udder nonesense.

If I wished, I could create language describing the moohem and destruction of this beast, and do no justice. Even the late great author of “Being There” and “Painted Bird”, Jersey Cowzinsky or pop diva Bovinna, who sang and performed Mooterial Girl so beautifully, could feel my emotions regarding violence in the bovine cowmunnity. I don’t even think The Boss, Bruce Holstein could (even though he was “BORN IN THE USDA”) But cows are just cows, nothing more, except for their dark side. Not a lot of justice in such cowmmunities; unlike, say Bambi and other artistic animals. The Deer Artist, oh starry starry night, Venison Van Doe, may have stroked it with a brush, but never ever the cow, oh so isolated, with no talents rather than anything you can see that is pasteurized.

So maybe organized crime is to blame. We have heard rumors of the legendary Al Cowpone and his La Cudstra Nostra, but not much is known about them. More recent legends of course include the more gentle cow, Demi Moooer, Hugh Heffer, and the like. But the cow is poetic. How can we ever forget Bulliam Shakespeare’s “Moo be, or not moo be?” And you tell me cows are should be ignored. Got cream?

I live life one day at a time. I jog a bit, even prepare myself for the Bullston Mooathon, though chances are skim I’ll make it to the finish line. Just cuds I love cows doesn’t make me odd. Many a cow-lover has gone on to become a legend in his own mind. Take Alfalfa for instance. We all know his famooos saying, “I dub cows!” And truly, who could we take more seriously than Alfalfa (even though Alfalfa is eaten daily by cows). Maybe he has some Moochistic cowacteristics, who knows, but he said it.

So there. If you don’t want to hear about cows, how to solve the social problems that are so prevalent in their lives, then moooooove along little doggie. I don’t want my epitath to read “He Cowld Have Done Better”. I believe I’ve milked this story for all it’s worth. But don’t fret. I coulda done butter…..and then again, everything I write just go past your eyes (pasteurized?) Ya never know!! 🙂

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